don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
