i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize