is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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