I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
