OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I checked into jail on foursquare
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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