Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
