apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
