don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
