are you so shy because you have an std?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
