hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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