Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
