In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
