the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
