There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it hurts more in the daytime
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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