dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
