i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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