I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
