So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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