New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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