Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
