just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
