that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
