I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
