I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
