i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
