time to smoke my breakfast
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
