when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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