Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
