ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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