I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
