I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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