Jerry, you need to find god
Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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