i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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