Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
high people should be assigned attendants
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
