where am i from again
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
