In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
