I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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