he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
