We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
