This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
