The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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