yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
