nut hugger
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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