I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
