I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
