Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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