I'm going to jail i love you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
