her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
