So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Randomize
