At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
