Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
