Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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