I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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