i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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