She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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