Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
