i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
