i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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