NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i dont even know how to be here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
