Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
