i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
