Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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