wrigley field is MILF paradise
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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