just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
