Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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