All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just forgot I was standing up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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