well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
These tits shall not be calmed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
