I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
